What If They Want to Learn - Not Just Earn?
3-Minute Read
I want to talk about motivation.
As humans, we often think about motivation, or the lack of it, when deciding whether or not to do something. Motivation can come from two different places: from within ourselves or from our environment.
These two types of motivation are known as intrinsic and extrinsic.
Intrinsic motivation comes from the internal satisfaction we feel when we accomplish something. That might be a sense of pride, contentment, security, or even just a calm sense of having done something for yourself, because it felt good or meaningful.
Extrinsic motivation, on the other hand, comes from outside rewards, like a Friday pizza party at work, a glass of wine after a long day, or your paycheck at the end of the week.
So why is it important to distinguish between these two?
Because while both types of motivation work, both also need to be taught, especially to young children whose brains are still learning how to process the world.
When you use reward-based therapy techniques (think Pavlov’s dogs), you’re teaching extrinsic motivation: if you do this, you get this. And in the short term, that absolutely works. I’m not saying it’s all bad. We all work for a paycheck, right? It’s the same concept.
The problem is that when you rely on reward-based therapy techniques, you are ONLY teaching extrinsic motivation.
If we rely solely on reward-based approaches, especially in therapy with young autistic children, we miss the chance to help them build intrinsic motivation, the internal drive to do things because it feels good or satisfying. And that’s such an important part of development. Without it, kids may not get to experience what it’s like to complete something for the sense of pride, joy, or curiosity that comes with it, or simply because they want to.
Another concern, especially when this method is used to teach language, is the environment it creates. Withholding a favorite toy or snack until a child says “ball” or “cookie” might seem straightforward to us, but for that child, it can be confusing, frustrating, or even distressing. They might not understand what you’re asking. They might not even have the word yet. Maybe they just want to explore the object, not label it.
And when we use that moment, one that could have been joyful and connecting, as a transaction, we’ve lost out on one of the most important things to encourage natural language development.
Trust.
Trust is the foundation for natural language development and authentic human connection. When a child feels safe and understood, they’re much more likely to communicate, not because they have to, but because they want to.
As you think about the kinds of support you want for your child, take a moment to consider how that support is being offered. Is it building trust? Is it helping your child connect with their own internal sense of curiosity, joy, and accomplishment?
Therapy shouldn’t just focus on what a child can do, it should nurture who they are.
When we honor a child’s internal world, not just their ability to follow directions or earn rewards, we lay the foundation for lifelong confidence, communication, and connection.
Your child deserves more than compliance. They deserve to be understood.
~Chloe